The train rolls past and all I can hear is new horizons calling my name. Metal wheels scrape across metal tracks, and the train horn takes over my thoughts. Jump train.

Jump train Sally.

I can see it. The new life my short train ride will provide. I'll be invisibly visible. Nameless, with no ties. A box car and shoe laces. That's all I'll be.

Leave me here. Trapped in my mind. Its constricted freedom and I feel at home here. There is no safety and that is what's safe to me.

I'm just gonna warn you now, I'm naked.

I'm not actually naked so if that's what your looking for hit another website. Pervert.

Writing scares me so much more than usual when I can't hide behind my words. But I'm tired of trying to write and ending up with a headache. And to be completely honest I like being naked. Literally sure, but on a figurative level it's even more freeing. I'm done trying to be deep and mysterious. I'm laying my shit out on the table.

Ooooo SJ is going to get real guys. Better watch out.

But really. 

Can I start out by saying depression is one creepy mother F-er. Like Hey depression I know we hung out all the time last year but its over. You should really stop hanging around. You're really starting to screw any shot I have at making friends and I don't appreciate it.

I mean everyone tells you that moving out brings all sorts of guys into your life but I didn't expect this.

                            Any of this...

If I could rewrite my packing list it would go more like this;

•Costco size box of kit kats

•Chastity belt

•More kit kats

If my packing list confuses you then you may actually survive "young adulthood". If you understand, well then God help you.

I'm sure if you asked him he would. 

I'm sure if we talked more, him and I, then I'd be in a better places. But I've gotten kind of quiet. I don't do a whole lot of talking anymore because I don't feel like anyone's listening. Is anyone listening? 

I hope so. And I hope not.

I'm going to put some clothes on now. 

My life 2k13; part 1

CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME

Departing Disp.

My feet pushed the ledge of the wood deck. With the creek of each post I heard my hopes and dreams die out. One by one they faded away and the grass ground faded into view. I could see myself, limbs flailing free in the air, eyes leaving everything really far behind. I had gone, I had left everything here behind and I had found a new world. 

I had found if falling three stories from the deck. I had found it in those magic moments. It was there and I was real for once. 

Their eyes watched with terror but I couldn't see them. 

My eyes were peacefully closed. Shut away from everything that had scarred me.

My body was free and my soul was all that had fallen. 

And my soul had long awaited this moment.

My moment.

My first breath had found me, falling, and I wasn't about to let it go.

With my first and last deap breath, I was gone.

Life's a bunch of bullshit.

I 

  F e e l

            S o

                  A l o n e

R U N

The fields are dangerous. She knows it, every part of her shakes with fear just thinking of them. Her heart goes into overdrive and her lungs turn to stone an she can feel them grow. Those fields, they call to her, and she can't keep tuning them out like this. 

He told her to 

                       R

                           U

                               N

Leave these fields behind you, and never look back. There's nothing here for you.

But there wasn't anything for her anywhere else either and so she stayed. The fields keep growing, and everything seems to move further and further away.