Writing can be theraputic. And Confusing. But thats okay.

Its scary to think about loving someone other than the someone you've always loved.

Not that I love someone, or am thinking about loving someone.

Not that I even think I like someone.

The word like is enough to send me running for the hills right now. Can you imagine where I'd end up if I actually "liked" someone? (Yes that's a very appropriate place to use both hands to make air quotations) If you don't know what I mean by that... figure your shit out. You're life is messier than mine.

And that's saying a lot.


Cause

it has been a few weeks since I really saw my floor.

some days I re-wear the outfit I was wearing the night before.

a decent amount of my clothes have this soggy smell to them because our dryer broke right after I did a large load of laundry and I have yet to wash them again... cause I'm lazy.

 

But being lazy and smelling soggy and walk of shame-esk outfits and typical messy shared bedrooms and not-like liking that one guy who lives with that other kid who you really wish would get over himself and run on sentences are all okay!

 

CAUSE I'M IN COLLEGE

 

 

 

For those of you who don't already know, being in College means big things! Mainly, it means that things I deem okay are in fact okay. I think I've broken it down, adulthood that is.

 

Choosing

Deciding

Depression

Never sleeping

Deeming

Dreaming

Drinking

Being responsible

Being irresponsible

Acting like you're twelve when someone new comes into your life and brings stomach butterflies with them...

 

Oh dear God I like him.

I think I actually like him.

 

Really?

shit.

 

And its scares me because if I decide that I like him then I open myself to liking him. I don't need approval from anyone cause what I deem is okay, is okay. Because its my life. This is my life, and its my decision. And a few days ago I decided to sit on his couch and watch baseball because it meant he'd hold my hand. And kiss my forehead. And ask me if I wanted anything when he got up to get himself another drink.

 

What does that mean?

No really, what does that mean?

 

I think I'm actually asking you, cause I really don't think I know.

 

But not knowing is okay.

 

 

#CollegeBlogs

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